Hanky Panky Hijinks: How to Get In the Mood Even if You Haven't Been for Years
Ever had one of those days when the idea of canoodling with your significant other is as appealing as running a marathon in high heels? Yeah, us too. There are days when we simply don’t want to have sex – we’re tired, we’ve had a really busy day, and there’s a lot of other stuff on our minds.
Know this: it's normal to feel that way. All sexual desire ebbs and flows, and mismatched libidos between partners is as common as finding an avocado pit in your guacamole. Having less sex than you used to (at this point in time) doesn’t mean it’ll be that way forever. The key is to prioritize your sex life as much as you can and to avoid catastrophizing when things take a dip.
Initial Intoxication
Remember the steamy early days with your partner? At the beginning of a relationship, our bodies turn into biochemical factories, pumping out dopamine and norepinephrine like nobody's business. These delightful neurochemicals fan the flames of attraction and lust. Snuggling and sexy times also release oxytocin, aka the "cuddle chemical," binding us to our partners like glue (the good kind, not the super-glue gunk that permanently sticks your fingers together).
Sizzle to Fizzle
But what happens when that romantic spark starts to resemble a wet match? Enter Esther Perel, one of our favorite experts on modern relationships. According to Perel, we may be smothering the mystery in our relationships, squeezing out the space for autonomy and freedom which are vital for sexual pleasure.
"It is too easily assumed that problems with sex are the result of a lack of closeness. But … perhaps the way we construct closeness reduces the sense of freedom and autonomy needed for sexual pleasure. When intimacy collapses into fusion, it is not a lack of closeness but too much closeness that impedes desire"
And then there are the usual suspects—stress, body image, medications, or medical conditions like endometriosis—all of which can throw a wet blanket on your libido. Not to mention changes in hormones that come with age and phases of life like childbirth and menopause (Hello, dryness! It's me: Beloved's Intimacy Serum & Personal Moisturizer to the rescue).
Reignite the Flame
But fear not! It's time to roll down our Spanx and get our sexy back. Start with reconnecting with yourself and your own body. Buy that sultry lingerie you've been eyeing or take a dance class (pole dancing or burlesque). Buy some new panties. Journal about your sexual desire. Take yourself on a date.
A surefire way to stoke the embers? See your partner anew, as if through the eyes of a stranger. Watching them nail a presentation or play their favorite sport can be a major turn-on. View your partner through the eyes of another or when they're doing something they're really good at. Think about those times when your partner is in their natural flow, whether it’s slaying it in a meeting at work or playing a sport or musical instrument that they love. It’s a reminder that they’re separate from you and they have interests that are separate from you – and it’s a total desire awakened.
Before you even think about sex itself, Foreplay! Foreplay! Foreplay! In the form of:
Dating your spouse - do something sexy like go dancing or listen to music or go to a dark lounge, dress up
Sexting
Taking a hot bath
Giving your partner a massage / receiving massage
Lingerie
Sexy playlists, music
Watch a steamy movie
Kiss, makeout - set a timer for 10 minutes
Ask each other erotic questions such as:
What's your favorite sexual memory of us together?
What were you most looking forward to prior to the first time we made love?
How has our lovemaking changed for the better over time?
What's something you've always wanted to try?
Change it up - sex toys, new positions (recommend a book), have sex in a different room.
A Helpful Boost
And for those times when you need an extra nudge toward the bedroom, we've got you covered. Our Lady Libido Boost Supplement is designed to support your arousal and desire. Just two capsules a day over time can help you rekindle your sex drive.
Get Your Groove Back
Life's too short for mediocre sex. So, grab your favorite lingerie, pop on that sultry playlist, and remember, your relationship is a priority. Sex is not just about crossing another task off your list; it's about creating quality, intimate moments together. So get out there and seize the desire!