In Praise of Monogamy
There’s a whole lot of focus on non-traditional relationships these days. There are rumors about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith being in an open relationship. Carla Bruni Sarkozy, wife of ex-French President Nicholas Skarkozy “prefers polygamy and polyandry.” Child star JoJo Siwa came out as pansexual.
It’s great that we’re in a time where people can love who they want to love. Hooray!
At the same time, all this free love and alternative lifestyle talk is enough to make women who prefer good ol’ fashioned monogamy feel, well, a bit old-fashioned.
But here’s the truth: even though monogamy might not be trendy, it’s pretty damn awesome. It’s time we praise monogamy. Here are six reasons why.
1. Sex Can Improve With Time
As time goes on, you get to know your own body better and are more comfortable in your own skin. That muffin top that used to embarrass you (and drive you to make sure the lights were turned off during sex) in your 30’s is nothing at this stage. Plus his midsection isn’t exactly looking like Chris Hemsworth. And that’s ok. It’s time for all of us to leave those youthful insecurities behind and focus on what really matters.
Your comfort level with your partner deepens with time and that is a wonderful thing. While new relationships are full of oxytocin-fueled excitement, established relationships don’t share their clumsiness, embarrassment and insecurity.
You know better what kind of sex stuff that you like and don’t. Plus with a solid level of security and comfort with your man, you can ask for what you want—and receive it. If you ask for something unexpected and a little risque (like let’s say a blindfold or naughty lingerie), there’s no worry that your man is going to think you’re a hussy and leave you because of it. That kind of certainty is pretty darn sexy and thrilling in itself.
2. No STDs
Having sex with only your partner pretty much eliminates the possibility of getting a sexually transmitted disease. Can you even imagine dealing with chlamydia or gonorrhea at this stage? Absolutely NOT.
No more sticky condoms. Yay! Your options for birth control open up when you're no longer concerned about catching something.
3. Less Drama Mama
If you want drama, have an affair or bring another person into your relationship. You know those crazy cheating situations that end in keys getting dragged into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive ala Carrie Underwood.
Only a third of monogamous marriages survive cheating because of the jealousy and lingering sense of betrayal according to Ayala Pines, psychologist and author of Romantic Jealousy.
The success rate for open relationships is not any better for similar reasons. If you both are missing the jealousy gene entirely and have all sorts of extra time and energy to juggle another person, perhaps. But, if you don’t like sharing your man, steer clear of this. Picture him taking another woman out to an expensive, romantic dinner and then to a hotel to have sex with her. If that makes you shudder, then let’s have a toast to monogamy.
4. Intimacy & Trust
Monogamy lays the foundation for having one of the deepest and most meaningful connections with another human. It’s an unbelievably strong bond built on true vulnerability and genuine regard for each other. Over time this translates into the kind of trust and dependability that great love stories are made of.
Plus there are so many people who are lonely and don’t have a life partner. If you have a special someone that you can count on, you are genuinely lucky.
5. Juicy Secret
In today’s world, much of what we do is on public display on social media—including dating. It’s like our most intimate moments, including first dates, being broadcast across the world for all to see. Even worse, when things don’t work out, it can get really awkward. If you’ve ever had to change your relationship status on social media, you know exactly how awkward it can get.
Your sexual relationship with your man is something special that only you two share. There’s something incredibly sacred about that. By keeping it private, you’re giving it the reverence and honor that it deserves.
5. Being Your Best
When you are valued, loved, listened to and fully supported, you can be your best self. You can take risks and better deal with life’s problems because you know that he has your back. There’s something about this kind of support that allows you to soar, explore and become the best version of yourself.