Your Guide to Sex Over 40
When you were younger, could you even imagine what it was going to be like having sex after 40? No way. Sex after 40 seemed like it was for old people.
Think back to when you were 18 with your big hair, big earrings and skin-tight jeans? Giggling with your girlfriends about how out of touch your moms were about sex. I mean, they acted like prude church ladies during the steamy sex scenes in Dirty Dancing and Flashdance.
Funnily enough, your moms were probably in their 40s - having sex after 40 Now that you’re that age (or have been), you’re not nearly as straight-laced and stuffy. Right?
In the time since we were teenagers, our attitudes about sex and sexuality have opened up quite a bit.
Plus, 40 is truly the new 30 when it comes to aging and our bodies (50 is the new 40 - and 60 is the new 50). We are aging more slowly than our parents. We have better healthcare, healthier diets and more emotionally sound relationships.
While we have slowed down the aging process and are behaving like more vibrant people, we can’t stop nature’s course altogether. And, unfortunately, somewhere around 40 is when our bodies start showing some changes (hello, perimenopause) that are about as fun as cleaning the toilet.
You know the bad news. Weight gain. Hair loss. Skin changes. Bladder control issues. Memory loss. Vaginal dryness. Low libido. Hot flashes.
These bummer changes in middle-age affect everything—including your sex life. While that’s the bad news, the good news is much more powerful and scintillating. Sex over 40 is better than ever.
85 percent of women are still getting it on and having sex over 40—and the majority still consider sex highly important to them, according to data published in JAMA Internal Medicine.
Let’s be clear: sex over 40 (and beyond) can be the best yet. Here are some reasons why.
Trying New Things
“Couples in their 40s are having some of the best sex of their lives—they have more permission and motivation to explore different aspects of sexuality,” says Shannon Chavez, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in Los Angeles.
“Couples are more open to exploring at this age due to sexual confidence, a stronger sense of sexual self, desire to make sex more playful, or feeling deeper emotional bonding for more meaningful and passionate sex.”
More Orgasms
Yes, you read that correctly. Women can have more orgasms in their 40s than they did in their 20s.
“For some women, orgasm becomes easier with experience, self-confidence, and comfort,” says Grace Landes a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist in New York, NY.
In fact, many women discover a second phase to their sexual experience: They know what it takes to get there and aren’t shy about making it happen. Mmmmm hmmm sex over 40 is pretty damn good.
He Lasts Longer
There’s an upside to the men’s declining hormones: men over 40 find themselves lasting longer than they did in the past. It’s not that wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am quickie that they used to perform when they were younger (sometimes to their chagrin).
Less testosterone means that it just takes some more time. This allows them to slow down and enjoy the experience more fully in a more connected way, too.
Thank You, Viagra
And if he needs a little help, there are our little friends Viagra, Cialis and Levitra. Modern pharmaceuticals have been a game-changer in this department.
Kids Are More Independent
So many women spend their 30s either pregnant or with young children. Bring on the stress and exhaustion. Mommy mode and sex kitten mode are hard to pull off at the same time and intimacy often gets put on the back burner. There’s no bigger buzz kill than a screaming toddler outside of your bedroom door, eh?
Now that kids are not coming in your bed so often and not waking you up at the crack of dawn, you have more space and energy for sex.
The Pill No More
Many women our age are done having kids so we can do a more permanent method of birth control such as an IUD instead of relying on the pill or other hormonal birth control. Those can dampen sex drive, so thank goodness we don’t need those any longer. Even better? He can get snipped to make it easiest on you.
Sex Toys and Lube
Sex toys and lube are starting to gain a little more dignity (finally!) and we’re less mortified to buy them. For the most part, sex toys and lube looked like they belonged in an X-rated movie and buying them required a trip to a sketchy sex shop in a seedy part of town. More and more discrete options are available which gives us the ability to explore and experiment without feeling like a porn star.